Final Essay #1

Final Essay #1

What is the [REAL] Beauty Myth?

“A personal dialogue on the Beauty Myth from the African American Female Point of View”

Many individuals believe that the “Beauty Myth” is all about the appearance and comparisons to other people. The focus for the majority is on the physical attributes; facial, body figure, etc. No one takes the time to think that maybe Beauty has more to it. When I first thought about Beauty, I did not know what my thoughts were. I know that does not make any sense, but honestly, I could not possibly put into words what I felt beauty was. The Media portrays Beauty as being a certain size or having a certain length of hair. This became personal to me once I hit college. Just like every average college freshman, I put on a little weight. I started working out harder and that made me more tired during class. So, then I tried the “Water Diet” and I drank water for two weeks straight. Yes, I lost about twenty pounds, but it was not healthy. I became weak in class and could barely stay attentive. So, I started eating again, but this time around I gained more than before. Finally, I gave up trying to please the media and just continued to eat. I ate because I was depressed, stressed, tired, happy, etc. I became an “eating machine.” And no, that was not healthy either. So, here I am at age twenty, forty pounds heavier than two years ago, miserable, in the hospital every two to four weeks due to exhaustion one day and an eating disorder the next. I prayed about it, but honestly, I do not know where to go with this situation. In turn, I cut my hair as a “new” look to give people something else to focus on rather than my weight. Now, people criticize me because I do not have the long tresses like Gabrielle Union or because I do not wear weave like the next upcoming star. How do I let people know this is who I am without stepping out of the boundaries of the Beauty Myth? Better yet, do I need to change myself so that my image falls under the rules of the Beauty Myth? Is there more to Beauty, than just big boobs, big booty, skinny waist, long slender legs and long hair?According to Mary Pipher’s excerpt, “Reviving Ophelia: Saving the selves of Adolescent Girls,” this imagery of the “perfect female appearance” starts young.

“In early adolescence, studies show that girls’ IQ scores drop and their math and science scores plummet. They lose their resiliency and optimism and become less curious and inclined to take risks. They lose their assertive, energetic and “tomboyish” personalities and become more deferential, self-critical and depressed. They report great unhappiness with their own bodies.”(Pipher)

So, maybe this has a lot to do with puberty, but I believe that it also has a lot to do with the typical “Beauty Myth.” When young ladies are just trying to find out what is happening with their bodies, they turn on the television and see bikini models with curves and abs to die for. Long slender legs and “skinniness” is everywhere. How is a young girl suppose to react to this type of behavior? Parents should not have to turn the channel every time one of the “Xenadrine” or “Hydroxy Cut” commercials come on. Young ladies should grow up with a free imagination as much as boys. I guess that is why most believe that girls mature faster than boys. Girls do not have the chance to be young. They have to grow up before their time. They have to be a certain way. For example, Ophelia’s story in Shakespeare’s Hamlet,

“[portrays] the destructive forces that affect young women. As a girl, Ophelia is happy and free, but with adolescence she loses herself. When she falls in love with Hamlet,she lives only for his approval. She has no inner direction; rather she struggles to meet the demands of Hamlet and her father. Her value is determined utterly by their approval. Ophelia is torn apart by her efforts to please.”(Pipher)

And I feel that young ladies do not need this pressure at a young age. Yes, “Daddy’s Girl” always wants to please her Dad and make him happy, but some times that has to be pushed aside to please oneself. Maybe this is selfish, but I guarantee that if young ladies stop focusing on pleasing everyone else around them, they would have a better understanding of themselves and who they need to be. Once again, this becomes a personal matter for me. I was raised in a single mother household. So, yes it was hard, but I never focused on how hard it was for mom. I always ALWAYS wanted to please Daddy. I did not know my Dad. My beliefs were that if I made good grades and was the perfect child, maybe, just maybe, he will want to be a part of my life. When I graduated from High School, I was the happiest person. Not because I graduated Valedictorian, not because I spoke, but I was happy because my Dad was there. Yes, it made him pay attention to me for that one night, but after that, it went right on back to the same thing. Now, while in college, I am struggling with what I want in life. I do not know if I want to pursue Engineering, any more. I do not know what I want to do with my life. This is a learning experience for me. I had to learn the hard way, but all in all, young ladies need to read about these different experiences; my personal experience with growing up, Ophelia’s personal experience and even other young ladies’ experiences. I believe that every one can learn from each other’s mistakes, successes, journeys, routes and life, in general.So, back to this “Beauty Myth.” All young ladies want to be a certain way, without knowing who they are. They strive to be the “Ideal” girlfriend, sister and even wife (when that time comes). I believe Pipher put it best:

“Girls know they are losing themselves. Wholeness is shattered by the chaos of adolescence. [Girls] are sensitive and tenderhearted, mean and competitive, superficial and idealistic. They are confident in the morning and overwhelmed by anxiety by nightfall…They try on new roles every week---this week the good student, next week the delinquent and the next, the artist. And they expect their families to keep up with these changes…Everything is changing---body shape, hormones, skin and hair. Calmness is replaced by anxiety. Their way of thinking is changing. Far below the surface they are struggling with the most basic of human questions: What is my place in the universe, what is my meaning?” (Pipher)

So, what can the young ladies possibly think Beauty is? The question still is alive and kicking, “What is Beauty?” Does it change with race? Now, with every theme, situation, symbol, etc, race plays a part. There are certain things that happen only to white people, certain things that happen only to black people, etc. So, how does this Beauty show itself among race? Through research and readings, I have my own take on the portrayal of Beauty within race: White young ladies believe they have to be a “stick” in order to be a part of the societal image of beauty. Excuse me, the majority of this audience. Black young ladies believe they have to be light skin, small in the waist, thick in the hips and have long hair down their backs. Excuse me, the majority of this audience. And so on. The reason my focus is on White female beauty and Black female beauty is because there is a lot of comparisons portrayed in the media between these two. I am not biased in any which way. I am just speaking the obvious. So, what I am trying to make a point of is that Beauty is deeper than just the outside. I believe that Beauty has a lot to do with your race, how you carry yourself, the way you present yourself and the way you treat others. So, I believe that Peggy McIntosh presented a view of Beauty with her passage, “Unpacking the Invisible Backpack.” I just wanted to share a little bit, so you all can see where I am coming from:

“As far as I can see, my African American co-worker, friends and acquaintances with whom I come into daily or frequent contact in this particular time, place and line of work cannot count on most of these conditions.
1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
2. if I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
3. I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
4. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.” (McIntosh)

So, does the amount of power or control you have, define Beauty? Does my skin color have an affect on my job, my appearance or my networking with individuals? These questions just keep coming. So, let’s look into the gender relations of the topic. Women’s Beauty compared to Men’s Beauty. Women are seen as fragile, weak, small, etc, while Men are seen as big, muscular and dominant. The perfect example is the seven comparisons from Jessica Valenti’s “He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know:”

“He’s a Hero, She’s a Damsel.
He’s gonna be a Success, She’s gonna be a Stay-At-Home Mom.
He’s tough, She’s a tomboy.
He’s the boss, She’s a Bitch.
He’s getting an education, She’s getting in his way.
He’s funny, She’s annoying.” (Valenti)

Why should women be conformed to the men’s ideal image of the woman? This is not fair at all. This is even announced in Naomi Wolf’s “Beauty Myth,” when the title says, “How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women.” Why are we allowing men to take over and tell us what we need to look like. From my point of view, every one should be comfortable in their own skin. I absolutely love men. I do not have anything against them. It is just that, I am tired of seeing women take the back seat.Currently, I am an advocate for state seminars called, “My Black is Beautiful.” I love being a part of this movement because for so long, black women were seen as the quiet, yet loud individual or soft, yet hard core young lady. I do not like the stereotypes of Black women. Why do black women have to be a certain way? Either they have to be the extreme, like New York or Saaphyri, or very quiet and conservative, like Sanaa Lathan or Tamela Mann. This is tearing down the black community. And the reason I believe the downfall of the Black women is hurting the black community is because in the past, the only person that kept the family together was Big Mama. So, if Big Mama is worried about her weight, appearance, etc, when does she have time for the family? Everyone’s priorities are out of “wack.” I believe Wolf puts it as:

“The Beauty Myth tells a story: The quality called ‘beauty’ objectively and universally exists. Women must want to embody it and men must want to possess women who embody it. This situation is necessary and natural because it is biological, sexual and evolutionary: Strong men battle for beautiful women and beautiful women are more reproductively successful.” (Wolf)

Beauty is a sad excuse to be a Woman, nowadays. Everyone has an opinion on how this matter should be handled, but no one puts anything into action.

“Understanding that females could never be liberated if we did not develop healthy self-esteem and self-love feminist thinkers went directly to the heart of the matter---critically examining how we feel and think about our bodies and offering constructive strategies for change.”(hooks)

Once again, “constructive strategies for change [were offered],” but I honestly, do not see anything coming from it. This is a matter that all women across the United States of America, should take into their own hands. If we raise daughters to be proud of who they are instead of daughters who worry about a diet at age twelve, we would have a more productive society. I believe that our purpose in life has nothing to do with Beauty and our appearance. Yes, showers are a requirement, but seriously, Beauty can only go so far. Finding out what God wants us to do in life, where He wants us to be in ten years, what people He wants us to influence, etc, is what fulfills our hearts. We have to turn to each other and get rid of these Video Models, supermodels and Models of the “Real” woman in order to move forward in life. It is time to stand up and it will start with me. My Black is Beautiful and I will gladly show my beauty without anyone’s approval!

Works Cited:

hooks, Bell. Feminism is For Everybody.Cambridge, MA: South End Press. Chapter 6, Page 31

McIntosh, Peggy. Unpacking the Invisible Backpack. 1989

Pipher, Mary. Reviving Ophelia. New York: G.P. Putmans Sons.

Valenti, Jessica. He's A Stud, She's a Slut. Seal Press

Wolf, Naomi. The Beauty Myth, How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women. 1991.
AnchorBooks. Double Day.